Ian and I only have one month left and we are in Florida and Illinois!!! We are so looking forward to getting to the beach and enjoying family time. Our trip to Illinois will also be great because I will get to spend time with my parents and other family members. Amanda will be running track at Metamora...it should be a good season. I would love to see her win state...again...but I will be back in England by than...well...I will be there for your senior year!! Ian can't wait to plant some flowers with my mom and dad. He loves doing stuff like that and I will take pictures and video...a little overboard...yea...but I do this for a reason. I really never talk about this much in detail because I hate to get the pit in my stomach and various other emotions that rip me apart.
Three years ago I remember sitting in the ICU waiting room and thinking...this can't be me...I am too young to lose my mom...we just had lunch yesterday...it was all like a nightmare. One day she appeared ok and the next day laying with a machine give her the ability to breath. I just kept asking God for some direction in this...my sister, my dad, and I where at the hospital around the clock. I had this baby at home and I (we) needed her to live. It is still like a whirl wind of them telling us she wasn't going to make it through the night on her own...remind you...we just had lunch the day before!! Time was at a stand still....except when they would call a family back...to unhook a machine...they would come out and cry...gather belongings and go home. It just didn't seem right...the world was still going on and my mom is on her death bed!!!
I remember the doctor giving us our options...alive with machines or take her off and see if she can do it. I will never forget driving home and thinking that we had a decision to make. I remember climbing into my bed, holding Ian, and just begging God to give me another chance with my mom...I started thinking crazy thoughts...she could live with all these machines..we could make it work...I think I was trying to bargin with God. I had lots of support, but only my sister knew how I felt. You only have one mom!!!
That night we Tammy and I talked for hours and finally settled on take her off and let her live without them or die. My dad agreed with this decision. The next day...it was surreal...it was only the 3 of us at the ICU...unusual because we had so much support. They came out and told us to go in and visit with her. I remember we were telling her it was up to her...my sister and I left and gave my dad a few moments and than we returned to the waiting room. They came out and asked if we would like to stand outside the room while they did it. My dad declined...my sister and I accepted the offer. We held hands and said a pray that he would do his will and we would understand and move forward. As I looked in one last time I again said that if given a second chance...I would never let a day go by without telling her I love you, I would enjoy a cup of coffee with her when she felt like it, I would make some memories for Ian, I wouldn't take her for granted, and so many other things that are too much too list.
I still remember standing there for what seemed like hours...but it wasn't...they uphooked the machine. SHE DID IT!! The next few days again where crazy. We had machines delivered to the house, she would have a wear oxygen, and various other things that are so the norm nowdays. I still look back and can't believe she was almost gone. I know that when she does leave this world...I will be sad..but I got my second chance...what a gift!! There is so much more to this story, but most of you whom are reading this already know the whole story. I really cut this one short...
I guess what brought all this us is because someone asked me why I go home so much when I could travel all of Europe. My answer is...my above story...when you almost lose something than get it back...it is all the more important to me. I know in my future I will enjoy those family photo albums rather than my travel ones....no questions asked!! That is not to say we haven't enjoyed our trips we've taken thus far...we have!!!
I really do wish my parents could come here..I think my dad will, but my mom just couldn't make the trip...too much involved.
Anyway...the joke is...I go home everyother month....I only wish it was that much!!!
6 comments:
I love you! and we miss you when you are gone..... family is so important! this life is but a blink and we should spend it with the ones we love! isn't it great we have the hope we will all be together again and never have to say goodbye again!
God is our HOPE!
LOVE YOU!
oh and I took you off my blog roll
SORRY about that.
Let's see...you were home in Dec and Feb..will be home again in April and June. That seems like every other month to me! We are just jealous that you actually have a home to go to and a child that doesn't mind the flying. It is such an amazing story about your mom and you are so blessed to have the second chance. See you soon!
I remember that..it was so hard and i was ever little..but i do remember mom coming home and saying it wasnt good..im glad she is still with us..i dont know what i would do without her!!well i love you and ill be seeing you soon:)
Thank you for blogging about such a personal story. I must admit I had tears running down my cheeks as I read your story. It is a fear we will have to face but man what a blessing to get a second chance & what a faith to be able to pray "whatever your will give me strength." Life is a present that sometimes we forget to say thank you for... thanks for the reminder :-)
Tina,
If I have ever made you feel bad about going home, I'm really sorry. I only wish I could go home as much as you. I agree with you, I won't be traveling as much as most because it is more important for Kent and I to go home and see our family and friends then to see the world. I've already seen more of the world then I ever thought I would in my life time. When I think back to great times I think about times spent with family and friends and not Paris or Belgium. That's just me. I lost my younger brother in Oct. of 2006 and you can't get that time back and I have so many regrets that haunts me, I wouldn't want that for you. You seem to have awsome parents and good for you, go home as much as you can to see them.
becki
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